Even though the language of Great Britain is English, there are a lot of words that you will find are different, or have new meanings. Here is a partial list of some words:

Anorak............................Parka/Jacket
Aubergine.......................Eggplant
Bangers and Mash............Sausages and Mashed Potato
Bap................................Hamburger Bun
Bobby/Bill/Old Bill............Policeman
Boozer............................Pub
Borough..........................Council/District
Brill................................Brilliant/Excellent
Brummie.........................Someone from Birmingham
Cellotape........................Sticky Tape
Cheers............................Thank you or Goodbye
Chips..............................French fries
Chip Butty.......................Hot Chip Sandwich
Choc Ice..........................Chocolate Coated vanilla ice cream bar
Civil Servant.....................Public Servant
Common/Green.................Park
Courgette.........................Zucchini
Crisps..............................Potato chips
Daft................................Silly
Deposit............................Bond
Dosh................................Money/Cash
Durex...............................Brand of condoms
Duvet...............................Bedspread or Doona
Flat..................................Apartment
Flip Flops..........................Thongs or Sandals
Football............................Soccer
Gaff/Digs..........................Somewhere to Live
Git...................................Jerk
Geordie............................Someone from Newcastle
Grafter.............................Hard worker
Guv/Guv'nor......................Manager/landlord of a pub
Half Ten............................10:30 am/pm
Ices..................................Ice creams
Iced Lolly..........................Popsicle/Icypole/Polarboy
Knackered.........................Tired
Lager/Bitter/Stout..............Beer/Ale
Lift...................................Escalator or Elevator
Loo..................................Bathroom/Toilet
Motorway.........................Freeway/Highway
Naff.................................Uncool
Off-licence/Offie...............Bottle shop or Liquor Store
Oxfam.............................Thrift store/used clothing shop
Plaster.............................Band Aid
Plonker............................Idiot
Pratt................................Jerk
Push Chair.......................Pram or Stroller
Quid................................Pound £
Rock...............................Long stick of candy
Rubber............................Condom
Rucksack.........................Backpack
Scouser...........................Someone from Liverpool
Shag...............................To have sex
Sod Off...........................Get Lost
Spiffing (Good Time)........Great time
Spotted Dick...................Cake with Fruit
Sweets...........................Candy
Tights.............................Pantyhose
Tosser............................Loser

 

By Richard Lederer ( It is a portion of the introduction to my book CRAZY ENGLISH (Pocket Books, 1989) and has been widely distributed on the Net)

Please feel free to see the entire essay in the archives section of my
website, Richard Lederer's Verbivore at http://www.pobox.com/~verbivore

1. I , Richard Lederer authorize studios92.com  to use the essay below for their www visitors.
    
    

• Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

• English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
• We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
• And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
• Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
• If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
• Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
• How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another.
• Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love?
• Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?
• You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
• English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race .That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

   

EuroEnglish
 

The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government concluded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phased plan for what will be known as 'EuroEnglish'.

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" sound will be replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to arrive at the stage where more komplikated revisions are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, that have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar revisions vud of kors beaplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tuunderstand on anozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.